Examples of significant loss experiences for children

• Moving to a new home
• Loss of a sense of safety
• Loss of structure
• Moving to a new school
• Sudden change in family financial status
• Death
• Loss of a pet
• Sudden health changes for self/family/friends
• Divorce

It is not useful to…

• Assume the child is too young to experience loss
• Try to fix the feelings
• Try to “replace” the loss
• Assure the child that “time will make it go away”
• Encourage the child to “be strong”
• Tell the child not to “feel bad”
• Tell the child to “just keep busy”
• Assure the child that the loved one “led a full life” before the child is ready for this concept – chronologically or emotionally

It is useful to…

• Talk about the loss
• Acknowledge your own experiences with loss
• Listen to your child’s feelings about the loss
• Allow for expression in age appropriate ways – the 5 year old will have a very different view of loss than an 18 year or 25 year old, etc.
• Ask questions

It is normal for a child to…

• Dream about the loss
• Begin to worry about his/her own care/mortality
• Try to “take care of” the adults/others-but not healthy for the child or the adult.

What to do

• Allow child to express sorrow
• Allow child to talk about past and future hopes and dreams; good times and bad
• Talk about the feelings
• Initiate conversation with the child
• Model the expression of feelings for child