NOT SURE YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?

ABUSE CHECKLIST
Sadly, this list is not exhaustive. If this list is too hard for you – stop. But recognize that if this is hard to read – you already know…

KEEPING YOU AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE

• Does your partner get angry when you talk on the phone?
• Does your partner open your mail without your permission?
• Does your partner keep you from seeing friends?
• Is your partner angry when you are just a little late getting home?
• Does your partner require you to be home at the hour he/she determines?

ALWAYS ON YOUR MIND

• Do you worry about what your partner will think of your appearance?
• Do you ask your partner who you can go see or where you can go?
• Are you careful of what you say so that your partner will not get upset?
• Do you feel you are “walking on eggshells”?

PUTTING YOU DOWN: HUMILIATION

• Does your partner call you names like “stupid”, “bitch”, or “whore”?
• Does your partner tell you what is “wrong” with you in front of other people?
• Has your partner made you do things about which you feel ashamed?
• Does your partner say that no one else would want you or love you?
• Does your partner blame you for everything “bad” or “wrong” in the relationship?

THREATS

• Does your partner threaten to leave you as a way to exercise control?
• Has your partner said that he/she would go crazy or kill him/herself if you leave?
• Does your partner say you will be hit or hit you if you don’t “obey” or disagree?
• Does your partner threaten to tell others intimate details about you/your relationship?
• Does your partner threaten to tell others untruths about you?

FEELING SICK AND TIRED

• Does your partner keep you up late badgering you about past relationships?
• Do you work so hard to please your partner that you feel worn out?
• Do you feel sick, yet you are not sure what is wrong?
• Are you unable to do things you used to do easily?
• Is your self-esteem feeling shattered?

“SMALL” DEMANDS

• Does your partner demand that dinner be served right on the minute?
• Does your partner insist that the house look “just so”?
• Do you have to report how you spend every dollar?

SWEET TALK AND THREATS

• After your partner has been mean or abusive or hurtful – is he/she sweet and loving?
• After your partner has hit you does your partner give you a present or take you out?
• When you decide to leave does your partner give you hope for change?

Women are abused. Men are abused. Children are abused. Those with wealth are abused. Those with no wealth are abused. Those with advanced degrees are abused. Those with no degrees are abused. Those in positions of power are abused. Those who are young and old. Straight. Gay. It doesn’t matter. If you are being abused – you do not deserve it – and there is help available. If you are abusing someone – please know that there is help for you as well. Every one person who hurts, every one person who is hurt…hurts a community — of which we are all a part.